The secret ingredient is cough syrup

Several years ago, I noticed the coming wave of alcopop supplemented with caffeine, ginseng and guarana (what is that anyway?) while on vacation in Ireland, Belfast and London. At bars and clubs, sugary concoctions -- often in bright colored cans and bottles -- took up as much space as beer, the national staple.
While the trend seemed staunchly entrenched there, I remained optimistic it wouldn't cross the Atlantic.
Sadly, the insurgency is upon us, here in America, or at least in this test market that is the cricket's home.

Riding high with such notable successes as Bartles & Jaymes and Zima, conniving beverage companies armed with laughable advertising campaigns seek to expand the market to people not hip to the time-honored status quo of drinking stiff drinks, getting drowsy and falling asleep.

After the advent of Red Bull, high fructose corn syrup is no longer enough. We need energy, a little something extra to get us through a five-hour NASCAR race or give us a second wind to outlast that drunk sorority girl at the Abercrombie & Fitch keg party.

When the hell is she going to pass out?

It all started with Sparks (I could never bring myself to drink something of that name, especially with prominently displayed flavors like sour apple). Hmm, I'll go with the green stuff. If I'm feeling adventurous, I might branch out with purple.

Next, came Budweiser B "to the" E.

"We created a great new drink that's outside the boundaries of the taste adults would expect from a traditional beer," said Nathaniel Davis, brewmaster, Anheuser-Busch, Inc in a 2004 company press release. "With B-to-the-E, we've come up with a beer that has a taste with a 'wow' factor at the finish."

Against my better wishes, I'll admit to being suckered in by the novelty once. For the record, that 'wow' factor at the end comes from the SweeTarts dissolved into a big vat of watery domestic brew.

Make way for the king: Natty Up, the fusion of Natural Light and energy drink.

It's being test marketed by Anheuser-Busch in Ohio, although I don't believe it's been placed in any actual stores yet.

The news gets worse from here.

A study this month in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research suggests people who consume energy drinks with alcohol may feel more sober than they are, according to a Reuters story.

"In experiments with young male volunteers, Brazilian researchers found that the men were no less impaired when they drank a mix of alcohol and the energy drink Red Bull than when they downed a standard mixed drink.
Drinkers did, however, seem to think they were less drunk -- reporting less fatigue, fewer headache symptoms and better coordination."

Just what we need: A bunch of rednecks and frat boys with more stamina.

"Honey, grab me another Natty Up so I have the energy to beat you a little more."

I sense a few more couch fires this summer.